You are already familiar with the Catalog of Male Shaming Tactics floating around on the web...
To start, I rarely encounter a woman who uses any of these on me.
Why not?
 | Because they are too busy trying to get me into their pants - and rudeness is not an effective tactic for a woman to use to coerce a man to "put in". |
Anyway, in case a woman (not a man or an MRA - which I have actually seen more often) uses these against you - here are my (fun and occasionally humorous) revisions to them:
- You’re bitter!
- You need to get over your anger at women.
- You are so negative!
- You hate women.
 | I'm sorry you feel that way. |
 | Anger is a legitimate emotion when facing injustice or irrational hatred. |
| No, I just hate women like you. |
 | No, I just hate PEOPLE who have SH*T for BRAINS! |
 | OH NO! Maybe you are right! |
| No I don't. |
| Nah, there are plenty of mom's I'd nail. |
 | Where I come from, mother is only half of a word. |
| Issues with mothers like you - or women like you becoming mothers. |
| Do you know any good therapists? |
| You are not qualified to make that determination. |
| Watching Oprah has obviously rotted your brain. |
| Yeah, sexual therapy - hop on cowgirl, let's get this rodeo started. |
- A woman must have hurt you in the past.
| Gosh, maybe you are right! |
| My past is irrelevant to the legitimacy of my statement. |
| No, I am not into S & M. |
| I wanted seconds, and she told me she had to leave! |
- You probably live in your mother's basement.
| Yeah, I guess I should grow up. |
| Where I live does not invalidate my argument. |
 | Actually, my mother lives in my basement. |
| That's not my mom, I don't call it the basement - I call it the dungeon of discipline. |
| OH NO! What should I do about that!? |
| My romantic potential does not invalidate my arguments. |
| Yeah, I can only GIVE laid. |
| Not by women like you - and that's a good thing. |
| Sorry, nobody is perfect. |
| Your childish opinion of my physical appearance doesn't nullify my arguments. |
| Look whose talking. |
| Your mom doesn't think so. |
| Yeah, gosh, I guess I need to grow up. |
| You're confusing being psychotic with being mature. |
| No, I am a big boy - and all the sudden, I'm getting bigger... and longer... |
| Yeah, maybe you could help me to be smarter. |
| No, I am realistic. |
| And you're more stupid. |
| Yeah, I am a bit of a jellyfish. |
| Yes I am. |
| A woman like you would not know what a real man is. You couldn't handle one. |
| Yeah, exactly ding-a-ling, I am one of those fake ones. |
- You're probably in the closet.
| Maybe you're right - should I seek therapy? |
| My sexual orientation does not invalidate my argument. |
| I've made out with a chick in a closet before - yeah... |
- You are jealous of women.
| Gosh, yes, women are goddesses. |
| Women have feminism - that makes me glad I am a man. |
| (LAUGH). |
| Yeah, especially of all the shit in their heads! |
- You're probably some kind of pervert.
| OH NO! I guess I need some help! |
| I see you've been talking to the women in my life. |
| Yeah, come back to my place, and I'll show you how much of a pervert I am. |
- I don't think you could possibly have a girlfriend.
| Gee, I guess that makes me a failure. |
| No, no girlfriend, but I do have a WOMAN in my life. |
| Sorry, all I heard you say was, "I don't think" - that was the only part that made any sense. |
- Not all women are like that.
| Yeah, sorry for stereotyping, I did not mean to offend you. |
| Most of them are. |
| Oh yeah, I forgot about the 3% who aren't. |
| Yeah, just the ones breathing air are. |
- There are men like that too!
| Yeah, in fact, men are usually more prone to be like that. |
| Most of them aren't. |
| I guess I haven't met either of those two guys yet. |
| Yes, I have heard tale of these men - they're called GAY!. |
- I can do anything a man can do!
| You go girl! |
| Nobody said you couldn't. |
| Like write your name in the snow by peeing? That's just creepy... |
| You go GIRL! And then Stay THERE! |
| Good, GO F*CK YOURSELF! |
A word of wisdom:
These two poor guys never get any!
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