"Tempe-tempe" , Teriaknya.
Ternyata Teriakan Tukang Tempe Tadi Terdengar Tukang Tahu,
Terpaksa Teriakannya Tambah Tinggi, "Tahu…Tahu. ..Tahu… !"
"Tempenya Terbaik, Tempenya Terenak, Tempenya Terkenal!!", Timpal Tukang Tempe.
Tukang Tahu Tidak Terima, "Tempenya Tengik, Tempenya Tawar, Tempenya Terjelek…. !"
Tukang Tempe Tertegun, Terhenyak, "Teplakkk… !" Tamparannya Tepat Terkena Tukang Tahu.
Tapi Tukang Tahu Tidak Terkalahkan, Tendangannya Tepat Terkena Tulang Tungkai Tukang Tempe.
Tukang Tempe Terjengkang Tumbang! Tapi Terus Tegak, Tatapannya Terhunus Tajam Terhadap Tukang Tahu.
Tetapi, Tukang Tahu Tidak Terpengaruh Tatapan Tajam Tukang Tempe Tersebut, "Tidak Takut!!" Tantang Tukang Tahu. Tidak Ternyana Tangan Tukang Tempe Terkepal, Tinjunya Terarah, Terus Tonjokkannya Tepat Terkena Tukang Tahu, Tak Terelakkan! Tujuh Tempat Terkena Tinjunya,
Tonjokan Terakhir Tepat Terkena Telak. Tukang Tahu Terjerembab. "Tolong.. Tolong.. Tolong..!", Teriaknya Terdengar Tinggi.
Tanpa Tunda Tempo, Tukang Tempe Teruskan Teriakannya, " Tempe .. Tempe .. Tempe..Tapi Terus Terdengar Tembakan..Tukang Tempepun Tertembak Tentara Teroris..Teretetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetet!!! Tukang Tempe Terkapar Tertembak..Tukang Tahupun Tertawa Terbahakbahak...Teletai Teritanya..Tapek Tauuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkk!!
The Washington Post printed the article by Jessica Valenti, and the Science Patrol was immediately notified. They responded by calling the Japanese Military to prepare for a standby alert, in case the venomous male-hating article made its way to Japan.
"The Washington Post printed an article? Who cares. I only use that paper for my birdcage." said veteran Science Patrol member Arashi - who is often referred to as "the fat one".
"The Washington Post printed an article by Jessica Valenti", stated Hyata (who is secretly UltraMan), "If this article gets spread in Japan, the results will be disastrous! Jessica Valenti MUST be stopped!"
"The Washington Post printed an article by Jessica Valenti? Who gives a rats-*ss. The Washington Post isn't good for anything. Hell, I wouldn't even wipe my enemy's ass with it. That is just too cruel, even for somebody as brutal as me!" said Ito.
"The Washington Post just printed more male-hating poison by Jessica Valenti? No wonder American men find average women like me so attractive. American woman are constantly having their minds poisoned by trash like this! Lucky for me!" said long-time Science Patrol member Fuji.
Anna Ardin: It is possible, that she actually charges money to go around accusing men of raping her. In fact, according to our calculations, such a women could in fact gross more than 8 million dollars a year if she charged roughly 100 dollars per accusation, and reported being raped at least 80,000 times each year!
Anna Ardin: If she had severe bowel problems, she might frequently have "accidents" in her pants. This would make her frequently smelly. MEN-Factor scientists and proctologists are somewhat weary of this theory however, as this would make sexual intercourse with her extremely distasteful; hence, Julian Assange most likely would not have even looked twice at her.
Anna Ardin: another hypothesis about Anna, is that her vaginal area is extremely stinky. If she were fed a constant diet of chili-cheese burritos and Ding-Dong candy treats, her pubic sweat and vaginal fluids would have very distinct and repulsive odors. This speculation has also been discredited, as most people in a 10 foot radius of here would be "dropping like flies" according to our sources.
Police Chief Teddy Nonuts Watson: "We are currently looking into the possibilities that maybe she was listening to a song on the radio sung by a man, or maybe some man looked at her just before the killing spree occurred. We are also pondering the possibility that perhaps she was thinking of getting a sex-change operation and becoming a man, and that cerebration of manliness is what lead to the murders. However; at this stage in the game, we are baffled. Mark my words though, we will find the man responsible for this and persecute him to the full extent of the law."
Feminist Leader Iva Bigg Hole commented to reporters, "This is a tragedy. An absolute tragedy. The horrors of it all. The authorities cannot find the man who is responsible for this woman's behavior - and that is simply tragic. We need stronger laws to punish men. Men should just put their names on a list, and perhaps get blamed in alphabetical order when things like this happen."
