If you read the last post, you'll know that when it came to cruising the Reno strip, I was a dismal failure at it - at the age of 18.
I had no pick-up lines. I would say things like:"Hello", "How are you?", "How's it going?", "How are you tonight?" etc...
A couple of years later, two different friends of mine insisted that we go cruising. I told them what a dismal failure I was at it, and that cruising was not my forte.
They insisted. I told them of how much rudeness I got when speaking to the young women cruising the strip. They told me that it was because I was "riding" in the car, instead of "driving" it - and that this time I would be the "driver" so things would be different.
I agreed to go. We took my car - a beat up Volkswagen Beetle.
As the night progressed, nothing was different at all. I got the usual responses from my introductions (full of unnecessary rudeness):
"f*ck you", "f*ck off", "get lost", "go away", "you're ugly", "get a facelift", "I am way out of your league", "I'm too hot for you", "You make me want to be a lesbian" etc...
My friends did not seem to have the same problem (at least not to the same degree). They were in a state of disbelief. They were trying to figure out why the women had such an attitude towards me.
At one point, a woman tried to speak a poorly rehearsed "get lost" line, it came out way wrong: "You think you're a paper plate with some diarrhea on a silver platter..." she started crying as she said it.
(The correct phrase is, "you think you're hot sh*t on a silver platter, when you're just cold diarrhea on a paper plate" - in case any FEMINAZI's are reading and interested).I thought to myself, what a bunch of f*cked up b*tches.
I told my friends - I did not know if I was just horrifically ugly, unattractive to women, or somehow repulsive - I just seemed to rub women the wrong way when I was younger.
My friends told me that I looked like somebody who belonged on the cover of G.Q. Magazine. They were sincerely surprised by the way I was getting treated by the women.
I said, "Look man - it's cool, you guys can borrow my car - I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow - just bring it by later tonight, or tomorrow - you guys can hang here - but this just doesn't work for me - I am either ugly, or just unattractive - or something - it is a waste of my time to be here".
They looked at each other, one of them said, "Dude, we're not gonna take your car man - that doesn't seem right".
"Well, you can if you want, I am cool with it - I just gotta get outta here, this is lame - these women - you guys are getting some looks - and heckles too - me - nothing - you really should borrow my car - meet some women".
One of my friends said, "No, lets go to the grocery store, I have a better idea."
My friend went into the grocery store, and came out a few minutes later with 4 dozen eggs.
"OK, let's go cruising again. Only Rich does the talking. Ron, take two boxes of eggs".I started driving.
My friend continued, "Here is the plan - Rich, you are going to be nice, polite, kind, and introduce yourself just as you were doing - If a woman is rude to you, me and Ron will egg em".
Ron shouted, "F*CK YEAH!"
I pulled the car over, "We're just gonna get into trouble. It's not worth it. Do you know how many police are downtown - with everybody cruising?"
Friend: "Dude, you are not an ugly man or anything else, for some reason, those women are just being bitches. I thought you were making up all those stories - I cannot explain it. You always complain that women at college treat you the same way - well, this is your chance to do something about it."
I shook my head (no).
Friend: "If women are going to treat you like this, you might as well have some fun with it, and return the bad attitudes you are getting - besides, you will be driving - me and Ron will be throwing the eggs - you are just a by-stander or whatever."
Me: "Ugh, What do I say to them - a real good and cool pick up line - because what I am doing now isn't working..."
Friend: "No, just do what you were doing - just say hello... what's up... and that stuff..."
Me: "First sign of any trouble or police and I am getting the hell out of the area."
Friends: "OK".
We returned to the downtown strip.
Sure enough, the first woman I spoke to was exceedingly rude: I said Hi, she said f*ck off. I turned to look at Ron and Aaron - they were both sticking their torsos out of the car (through the windows) and chucking eggs.
I looked back at the woman - she was covered in egg goo, looking down at the steering wheel, wondering what just happened. My friends were laughing hard.
Long story short: My friends ran out of eggs. We switched driver/pick-up guy positions - when women were rude to my friends, I got to throw eggs. There was one woman I spoke to who did not get egged - my friends seemed disappointed by her response of "Hi!" (with a smile).I am not sure what is more pathetic about this though.
That this is one of the fondest memories in my life.
-or-
The attitudes I kept getting from women in my youth.
Unfortunately, it seems like the "growing up and becoming women" doesn't happen until they turn 40 or so!
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