It was a beautiful day in Breastopolis Missouri, for some women on foot in Nipplary Park. However; their dazzling and sun-drenched day would soon become murky and evil - as unbeknownst to them, a breast-staring man was on the prowl.
As the group of women proceeded through the park, they were met by a breast-staring pervert. The women said that the man was staring in a threatening manner - as though he might have been sexually attracted to the women - and possibly even had a penis.
The authorities were immediately notified.
Police were able to identify and apprehend the suspect from sketches made by police artists:
Richard W. Fartworthy: Filthy Breast-Staring Pervert
Some of the alleged victims of the breast staring were interviewed by MEN-Factor reporters:
 Feminist Samantha H. Rack: "This happens to me no matter where I go. Men stare at my breasts. I was eating a hot-dog, and it fell between my breasts - I yanked and yanked at it to get it out - and that weirdo was just staring at me with his mouth open. When oh when will nonsense like this end??" |
 Feminist Joy Tickle: "Everywhere I go men stare at my breasts, I am really sick of it. What kind of a sick world do we live in where men think it's OK to stare at a woman's breasts? |
 Feminist Teresa F. Juggs: "I feel like such a victim. I always do. No matter what I am doing, or where I am, some man is being a total filthy pervert and staring at my breasts. I hate it. Simply hate it." |
 Feminist Lisa Ball Oonz: "I never will understand men and why they are always staring at women's breasts. I paid thousands to have my breasts this big, and now, men keep staring at me." |
 Feminist Iva G. Spott: "What kind of a dirty world do we live in where I cannot go out in public in my underwear and not be stared at be people who have penises? This one time, somebody stepped on a bottle of lotion on the ground, the white lotion went squirting all over my breasts, as I was wiping it off, I noticed some man was just staring at me with his mouth open." |
 Feminist Melissa Green Cooch: "Damnit! I am so sick of men staring at me, as if being sexually aroused by me. It really frightens me. Oh heavens, it frightens me even more to think that they have those penis things on them." |
 Feminist Thelma N. Louise: "Men try to lie and tell me they are staring at my face, but look at me - my face is uglier than a donkey's ass! I know they are looking at my breasts, since that is my only redeeming quality. And honestly, it is not much of a quality either. Breasts this big are just plain silly - especially when they are fake. I should have spent the money to rebuild my face." |
 Feminist Gould Fer Elss: "Men are always staring at my breasts, especially when I am not wearing a top. I just cannot understand why they are all such perverts. Clearly, we are all victims of a patriarchal conspiracy!" |
 Feminist Leader Crane Kee Hagg was interviewed by MEN-Factor reporters: "These women are sexist! REEAAR! PFFFT! PFFFT! Those eight women are victims of male-oppression - that much is obvious! PFFFT! PFFFT! I was visually raped at least 267 times just yesterday! PFFFT!" |
Richard W. Fartworthy is currently facing no charges, as being a heterosexual man is still legal in the United States and most other countries.
 Feminist Leaders however are currently working hard so that men staring at freakishly humongous breasts, or any breasts, will be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Feminist leader's are currently devising plans to lobby Washington to push for tougher anti-male legislation to stop them from behaving like heterosexuals. |
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