Japan's Nuclear Threat: No Pretty White Women Repeatedly Sexually Assaulted

MEN-Factor reporters traveled to Japan to cover the breaking news about the potential nuclear crisis threatening Japan at this moment. Our reporters are one step ahead of the game, as always, and asked various Japanese officials the hard-hitting question: Have any pretty white women been repeatedly sexually assaulted during this nuclear crisis? Or, more specifically, has Lara Logan been sexually assaulted by any of Japan's Nuclear reactors? Or, have any other white women been repeatedly sexually assaulted in a heroic fashion by any nuclear reactors?

This is what our reporters have learned so far about the nuclear crisis facing Japan:

Japan Nuclear Threat

Our reporters first asked the Japanese Nuclear Power Commission, if Lara Logan had been sexually assaulted by any of Japan's nuclear power plants:

Japan Nuclear Threat

We then asked our own American experts if any pretty white journalists were sexually assaulted repeatedly in a heroic fashion, would that have any effect on Japan's Nuclear crisis?

Japan Nuclear Threat

Then, in a most honorable moment, the Emperor of Japan himself took a few minutes to speak with our reporters. This was one of the proudest moments for our reporters, and they all want to express their thanks personally to the Emperor of Japan for speaking to them. This is what the Emperor said:

Japanese Emperor on the current nuclear crisis