Feminist leader Edna Butz McKraken was quoted as saying, "GOD DAMNIT! I'LL MARRY MYSELF AND BEAT MYSELF IF I HAVE TO! WE NEED MORE FUNDS TO BUY FOOD AND COMBAT THE SEVERE ANOREXIA PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY! 190 MILLION WOMEN DIE EACH MINUTE FROM STARVATION! I LOVE YOU! STOP YELLING AT ME! I'M CALLING THE POLICE YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
Feminist leader Edna Butz McKraken then begin eating her own feces and talking into a banana that she claimed was her cell-phone.
Life long feminist, and journalist D. Pleat Dicks said, "GOD DAMNIT! SH*T! F*CK! WHERE IS MY MUFFIN! I CAN'T DANCE, I'M NOT AN OBJECT, I'M A FEMALE BICYCLE! STOP EATING MY SHADOW! I SAW ELVIS! THERE ARE BLUEBERRIES IN MY PARAMETER! MY CAT HAS DIARHEA - CALL THE CIA!"
Police Chief M. Lacque Sack allegedly told reporters, "Scaring people into believing that women are beaten 20 times every second would be AWESOME! Think of how much funding my police department would get! Not only that, I could vent my own frustrations and inferiority complex out on the next poor chap whose psychotic wife calls 911 over a verbal argument - I wouldn't have to risk dealing with people who are actually dangerous criminals, and I'd get more money too! FREEEEKIN' AWESOME!!"
The C.E.O. of Pig Vomit Cola said, "Hey, YEAH! This is brilliant! By convincing women that men are all excessively violent, we can cater to that hatred and anger in our commercials. Oh what fun! If women are stupid enough to believe that crap, they'll be stupid enough to suck down pig-vomit-cola by the gallons in no time! Our Profits Will Soar!!! Just like a downward spiral out of control!"
Medical Doctor Frank N. Stein was interviewed about the effects of domestic violence: "Oh yeah, domestic violence is awesome! I only need another 8000 dollars for my new Jacuzzi, and treating injuries from domestic violence won't get me that. However; I just invested a ton of money in various companies that treat *wink* *wink* psychological conditions like stress, ADHD, and the like. By getting men out of the home, and making women raise children by themselves, stock in those companies is sure to go up - not to mention all the injuries the children will receive - statistics have proved that!"
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