None the wiser..
I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say..
I'm confused and it seems like I'm just digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole and the deeper I dig the harder its getting for me to figure out what my next step should be. I sometimes wish I was one of those people that could just turn the cold shoulder and get on with things but I can't. I'm too emotional and always get too emotinally attached to things, issues, people.. And sometimes that can be a scary thing.
And the worst part, or the best (depending on how you look at it) is that I don't want to hurt people - and unless I totally detach myself physically and psychologically (how does one do that btw???) its kinda innevetable.
So, what's left for me to do?
Carry on in this state of confusion hoping that a brick will fall down telling what to do next? Give myself a good slap in across the melon, tell myself to snap out of it and carry on as I were? Or how about change my name and looks and emigrate to Bahrain to join Michael Jacksons harem of freaks?
I don't know...
I don't want to make any promises I can't keep cos if I'm not 100% sure that I can fulfill what's expected of me then I don't wanna go into something wholeheartedly. But what if me not doing something wholeheartedly hurts someone more than if I was to at least try and do it and fail??
Then what?
My head feels like its gonna explode. My brain is filled to the rim and heart is drowning in its own residues of emotion. Why am I so emotionally crippled? See, I know that if I was to mess things up I would regret it so badly, wishing I'd done things differently pounding my head against the wall doing everything in my might to turn back the hands of time so that I could put all the wrong things right. So if I KNOW this now, why then can't I just do NOW what I will consider would be right THEN??
I guess I'm just not that smart!
And I guess its just like my cousin Lysette always used to say; Everything I touch DOES turn to ka-ka..
Over and out,
Dan
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