Monday, July 17th, 2006

Falling in love..?

After a months worth of dates, romantic dinners, playful meets in the park, sweet nothings whispered in my ear and a whole bunch of sensual therapeutic massages I asked him to leave.. And he left. I didn't even look at him. I couldn't face the look in his eyes as I turned my back on him.. My heart was breaking inside but at that precise moment in time it seemed like the only right thing to do.

Why???

Because he wanted more from me than I was (willing?) ready to give?
Becuase he cared for me more than anyone's ever done before?

Becuase he was nothing but nice to me?

Because he surprised me with a lobster dinner for my birthday?

Because he makes me laugh?

Because he laughs at my stupid sick humour and want's to immortalize me on camera?

Because he believes there's more good things in store for me?

Or simply because he has so easilly molded himself into my life and become a part of it that it just scared me half to death???

I don't understand!! Nothing makes sense anymore...

He said that we were destined to meet. That was scary too.. But then thinking about it, just 3 days before we met my horoscope said that I was about to embark on a journey. About to enter a relationship that was innevitable. And that scared me even more. Too many coincidences. Too frightening. Too 'out of my hands' for my liking..

But the night we met. Our eyes locked on eachother across a crowded room. A broad smile on his face indicating his happiness, like someone who has finally found something he'd lost a long time ago..

I felt butteflies in my stomach. Butterflies. Just like I explained on my profile that I wanted to feel.

Holmes Ives feat Avalon Frost's "8 letters" was pumping through the speakes..

we talked.. we smiled.. we kissed..

That night I was floating. I was light as a feather. He caressed my body. He kissed me ever so softly. He gave me goosebumps just by brushing up against me..

He made me feel like a Prince(ss)..

And now, he's gone.

I pushed him away. I pushed him away becuase he was good to me. Because he wanted to be with me even if I was a grumpy fart. Even if I snapped at him for no apparent reason whatsoever and even if I treated him badly.. He actually liked me for who I was even if it was demeaning to him..

And I pushed him away.

He told me he'd fallen in love with me.

I told him not to!

I told him I was gonna hurt him. But he didn't listen.

And I did exactly what I said I was going to do.

And then there was only regret left..

And..

..8 letters. 3 words.. Very rarely heard!

Dan