Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - back dated!

Stupid questions deserve stupid answers!

1. Initials: DK(UK)

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Oh there are loads of people born on the 26th of June. Shall I do them in alphabetical order?? Hmm.. Ok; Alanis, Bianca, Charlotte, Donatella, Erin, Fern, Gwen, Hugo, Ian, Jade, Kostas, Lourdes, Marilyn, Nigella, Owen, Paris, Quentin, Ralph, Stella, Tim, Ute, Victoria, Walt, Xander, Yves, Ziggy

3. Last thing you ate: A Croque Monsieur back in 1997

4. For or against same sex marriage? Hmmm.. Well, I'd much rather have a husband than I wife. Personally I like to take on that role myself so yeah I guess I'm 4. It!

5. I say Shotgun! You say? Bang, Bang, BANG, BANG, BAAAANG!!!

6. Last person you hugged? Daniel - but it wasn't as much a hug as a ridiculous attempt to try and prevent him from leaving the bed. What can I say - it was cold this morning!

8. How many U.S states have you been to? 4 so far - that I know of. There was a blur between 1998 and 2001 that I can't remember so maybe I have been to more than that?

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in: See question 8. Not lived in one that I know of..

10. Ever lived outside of the US: Yes like all over the place. Well, Sweden, Yugoslavia and UK. Oh and while I was on a Cruiseship for 6 months I was kinda living all over the place wasn't I??! So that would include USA, Costa Rica, Alaska, Cuba, Canada and then all the international waters in between..

11. Name something you like physically about yourself: My eyes I guess. Oh and my willy. Apparently its likeable.. ;o)

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: My massive ability to entertain myself in whatever situation I may find myself in be it funerals, weddings, poetry recitals etc.

13. Who is/are your best friend(s)?: That would be Gwen and Big Butt - my imaginary midget mates that only come out when the moon is full and the witches teets are weeping.

14. Why are you still up? Cos I'm wearing Stay-Up's today.

15. Who made you angry today? Today?? Nobody, so far.. But there's still 6 hours left of the day so there's still a chance..

16. Favorite type of Food?: What is that?? F-f-f-food? Is that a color??

17. Favorite holiday: Summer break?? Fag brake? Oh, HOLY day? Hmmm.. Halloween?

18. Do you download music: Yes - digital music is the way forward. If you don't believe me visit http://www.protestrecordings.com/

19. What illegal things have you done? Gosh, how long have you got? The list is loooong..I've stolen 3 magic beans, I've cheated on my SAT's, I've killed a ladybug, I've smoked oregano, I've sang in public and I once dressed up as a Queen. Not THE Queen tho..

21. Would you date the person that posted this? No, the police would have me! She's a lay-deeee. And so am I.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yes, they still do. I have Amadeus Mozart, Kurt Cobain, Aaliyah and Elvis locked up in my basement. Everyone thinks they're dead but Oh NO!

23. Do you love anyone? I love everyone! And everything. Cos Love is a bad ass bitch and should be spread all over the world.

24. Do you like Bush? No I prefer Cock!

25. Have you ever bungee jumped: Nope but I jumped with Gee into a bun last week.

26. Have you ever went white-water rafting: Oooooh, no but I went to Bluewater to attend their sale once.

27. Whats wrong? What? Nothing? Why? Who said something? What?? I'll shoot them in the fanny!

28. How much money ya got? Too much for my own liking. Its actually sticking out of my arse. That and an 8 ft satellite dish courtesy of SKY.

29. Have you met a real redneck? No but I had an encounter with a Silverback once. We went for tea at the Ritz.

30. How is the weather right now: Cold and rainy but the sun is shining so I guess a witch has been born at the other side of the rainbow under the leprechauns pot of gold..

31. What are you listening to? At the moment it would be the voices in my head. They're telling me to stick a flute up Candy's pussy cos she's refusing to go to band camp.

32. Favorite song: That one that goes; Da da darararara da da boom cha cha bang. Ooooh.. U know.. La la la diri di di di.. Para ra ra ra boom. Know wich one I mean? Yeah, that one.

33. What was the last movie you watched? A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen followed by From Dusk til Dawn on channel 4. I liked the Pussy bit by Cheech. You can see the clip! I posted it on Lil D's profile..

34. Last time you had fun? Friday night actually. Had my first night out as part of a comic duo; Dan & Dan. Was a hoot!

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Me and Dan went to Costcutters yesterday to pick up some milk. And then I went to London Bridge tube station to get to to work. Then I walked from Goodge Street to New Cavendish Street and I haven't moved since..

36. What are you afraid of? :Plastic earrings, the 80's, that big butted man on X-Tube and sometimes I'm afraid of dolphins cos they are like gay sharks.

37. How many piercings and tattoo's do you have?: Have had a lot but then someone came and stole them away from me. So now I only have one piercing and 6 tattoos left.

38. How many pets do you have: 34 - all dust mites. They have names too but I can't disclose that information without having to eliminate you afterwards. Would you like that?

39. Have you ever loved someone: Once I loved someone twice, but then I got over it and bought a doughnut instead.

40. What turns you on? Lil D knows.. ;o)

41. Why do you do it? Cos it turns me on!! DOH!!

42. Have you ever fired a gun: Yes all kinds of guns - shot gun, flare gun, stun gun, Shogun, begun..

43. Are you missing someone? I missed a co worker on my way here. She was waving and calling out my name but I missed her on the account of the fact that I blinked.. Shame really. She's nice.

44. Fave TV show?: The one with that guy and that girl that go; Doo Wop Doo Wop Wop and then they spin and fall into a barrel of laughs only to be picked up by that hippo.. Wass his name again...? Zippy? Lippy? Skippy?? Skippy the angry Hippo?? Nah.. the other one actually..

45. Do you have an ipod?: No, I can't be trusted with one apparently. They think that the more songs that fit into my music device at a time the loopier I get. But I think they're underestimating my wheedles.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?: Yes, I was once told I look like Zsa Zsa Garbo(!) and then once someone told me I reminded them of Puff the Magic Dragon! I wonder what could have given them that idea...?

47. Where are you? Am at work working on everything else but what I should be doing. Hoping that the effort I put in witll guarantee me a place in the Hall of Fame or at least the Happy Home for the Bewildered.

48. Who would you like to see right now?: Please could I see Dana International and RuPaul do a duet singing Michael Jacksons Thriller, please? No? Hmmm..

49. What is your favorite movie?: Lord of my Ring, Shaving Ryans Privates, TitanDick, Bareback Fountain, Natural Born Fuckers, Raw, Bareback Fountain 2 - the Second Cumming and a whole bunch of others but i'm in them so I can't mention them as that would make me sound really vain (and I'm NOT!) honest..

50. Do you find yourself loved? The more I love myself the more I will be loved and I love myself a whole lot (disregard what question 49 says) and that must mean that I'm very much loved everywhere else too, but should I now NOT be then that's ok too cos I love myself enough for everyone else, so there..

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? All the time. Once my nan caught me with my hand in the cock jar that she tried to keep for herself. Greedy bitch. But I outsmarted her and got my own in the ned. 7 inches it was. Mmmm.

52. Favorite flower? Meat Rose or in some countries people know it as Anus Anus.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?: They HAVE to be mixed. That way you never know what you're gonna be getting and each mouthful is filled with surprises. Very exciting!

54. What Magazines are you reading?: Fashion Faux Pas/Vogue for Bastards/Sugar Daddy/Metropolitan/ Boyz

55. Are you bored yet? Always bored but that's ok cos I have a switch I can press whenever that happens. There. Now I'm not bored anymore - for about 5 seconds.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? People pass me by all the time and when they do they're only about an inch or two away from me - so the are pretty close yeah..57. Is there life on other planets?Of course there is. Did you really think that Jocelyn Wilderstein, Michael Jackson, Donatella Versace and Pete Burns were human?? Puh-leeeeease! Get with the programme girlfriend. Wake up and smell the Stardust, Ziggy!!

58. What's something that really bugs you?: Oooh don't even get me started on that one. Something that really bugs me are public displays of affection. YUK! I mean puh-leeeaze people. If you are going to exchange bodily fluids at least have the decency to do it behind closed doors. Bodily fluids belong in pipettes in labs and sperm banks - not on the streets of beautiful London. Unless the streets are based somewhere near Hampstead Heath or Russel Square. Then its ok..

59. What's important? Marijuana, Extacy, Ketamine, Cocaine and sometimes a bit of Crystal Meth. Not nessecerily in that order tho..

60. Do you like Michael Jackson?: As a person no. He's very selfish and sleeping with him results in bruises and unwanted hickeys in weird places. But as a Martian he's perfectly all right.

61. Is there more to life? There are some more minor things like button mushrooms that have this really funky smell but send you flying to Kingdom Come whenever you sniff them. And then there are some little huts based in deepest Africa that have gateways to an alternative dimension. But more than that I don't think so..

62. Favorite basketball team?: Basket Ball?? Oooh, I remember that.. Is that when you sit on a ball and jump up and down on it till you get to 2nd base??

63. Favorite cereal?: Hmmm.. That would be Will & Grace and Friends. Oh you mean f-f-f-food stuff again.. Then nuffink. Thanks.. Maybe Credit Crunch!

64. Do you drive?: Only Rocket Ships and Pingu-bile.

65. What do you drive?: Oh how bizarre. I already answered that above. Isn't that hilarious?? I laughed so much a tiny little green pea came out.

66. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?: I always sleep with one eye open so I dunno how to calculate the exact amount of time as one half always stays awake?

67. Last time you went bowling?: I went with the New Kids On The Block when I was 14. But that doesn't count cos they only brought me so I could polish their balls..

68. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?: In a nutshell. It was very claustrophobic I have to say..

69. Who was your last phone call?: Some crazy lady asking if I sold cotton balls and when I told her I didn't she asked me if I'd like to. Mad I know. Then she screamed at me that her name was Gwen and she wanted to wash my vagina.

70. Last time you were at work?: I'm here now, but not for long as I finish in 2 mins, 32 seconds..

Woooo...

Dan