Midlife Chrisis!?
Grey hair. Slightly flabbering belly. Obsession with the gym. A young boy as company...
Am I heading towards a midlife crisis??
Am I heading towards a midlife crisis??
I know that older men who date younger women are in some aspects considered cool and successful, if you will. When it comes to older women dating younger guys it starts getting a bit trickier. The controversy starts to kick in and people start frowning upon the image of a young man with an older woman. What does he see in her? What could she offer him, they wonder.
But what happens then when an older gay man starts dating someone considerably younger than himself? Is it considered cool or is it frowned upon?
I guess the answers to those questions depend on the actual age concerned and of course if the Old was over 60 and the Young under 18 it would be considered as wrong no matter who was looking. But if there's a.. lets say 8-10 years age difference, what then?
But what happens then when an older gay man starts dating someone considerably younger than himself? Is it considered cool or is it frowned upon?
I guess the answers to those questions depend on the actual age concerned and of course if the Old was over 60 and the Young under 18 it would be considered as wrong no matter who was looking. But if there's a.. lets say 8-10 years age difference, what then?
The reason I'm asking this is because I had a conversation with someone close to me about this matter and she revealed that she's been with her 'younger' man for almost 2 years now and although the age difference between them is only 6 years she fears for their future. She thinks that because of his young age he's not able to see and share her vision of their future. It scares her half to death as she's so in love with the boy that she'd do anything in order to insure that there IS a future to think about.
Most days are great she says and carry on for what seems like forever. But then all of a sudden, when least expected his immaturity shines through, automatically opening up a flood wave of emotions and fears. Lets face it, she's just reached her 30's while the boy is still in his mid 20's and although the boy's mature for his age I doubt his mind is concentrated on what career he's gonna go for or what the names of their children will be..
She fears that unless she spends most of her time with him he might 'forget' about what they've got and stray. She fears that someone younger, more interesting will come along and start meddling 'cos after all in this day and age nobody really gives a flying fcuk if someone's single or taken anymore. It's like the survival of the fittest. If you're fit enough and you fit the mould then what's to say you shouldn't give your best shot at 'stealing' someone else's hot property?
Most days are great she says and carry on for what seems like forever. But then all of a sudden, when least expected his immaturity shines through, automatically opening up a flood wave of emotions and fears. Lets face it, she's just reached her 30's while the boy is still in his mid 20's and although the boy's mature for his age I doubt his mind is concentrated on what career he's gonna go for or what the names of their children will be..
She fears that unless she spends most of her time with him he might 'forget' about what they've got and stray. She fears that someone younger, more interesting will come along and start meddling 'cos after all in this day and age nobody really gives a flying fcuk if someone's single or taken anymore. It's like the survival of the fittest. If you're fit enough and you fit the mould then what's to say you shouldn't give your best shot at 'stealing' someone else's hot property?
People are ruthless and the respect that once came with the words 'married' and 'relationship' has been blurred to an unrecognisable blur.
Having had that conversation I started thinking differently. I started questioning the laws of physics and now I'm feeling slightly confused myself.
When I was young I was always attracted to guys my own age (although they never showed much interest in me) and older guys were the ones who always tried to chat me up. I'd take one look at them and dismiss their advances without even blinking. The steady search for a 'friend' or 'companion' that had something in common with me lasted a long time. All through my juvenile teenage years to be exact. It wasn't til after I finished school and moved to London that I realised I could actually learn something from someone older than myself.. But even that backfired. The older guys I'd go for didn't reciprocate my feelings and in most occasions it didn't last longer than one night.
I was naïve and gullible and suffered fools gladly for the little satisfaction I got.. I didn't know any better..
And now??
Well, now I find myself understanding even less of the laws I tried to abide by and instead I'm with a boy who recently turned 20.
At first I was terrified. I didn't even dare to consider that it would be more than a one night stand. I mean, the boy is 20 for fcuk sake. He's got his entire life ahead of him and there's a huge world out there and he's nowhere near experienced all the treasures it has to offer.
But then we saw eachother again. And again. And again..
And before I knew it we were seeing eachother most days and the nights I fell asleep without him I found that I missed him something incredible. Slowly he's been putting my mind at ease. It takes a while for me to let my guard down. I've dealt with some tough shit in the past and although I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of a doubt I find it hard to trust them – until that trust has been earned!
Having had that conversation I started thinking differently. I started questioning the laws of physics and now I'm feeling slightly confused myself.
When I was young I was always attracted to guys my own age (although they never showed much interest in me) and older guys were the ones who always tried to chat me up. I'd take one look at them and dismiss their advances without even blinking. The steady search for a 'friend' or 'companion' that had something in common with me lasted a long time. All through my juvenile teenage years to be exact. It wasn't til after I finished school and moved to London that I realised I could actually learn something from someone older than myself.. But even that backfired. The older guys I'd go for didn't reciprocate my feelings and in most occasions it didn't last longer than one night.
I was naïve and gullible and suffered fools gladly for the little satisfaction I got.. I didn't know any better..
And now??
Well, now I find myself understanding even less of the laws I tried to abide by and instead I'm with a boy who recently turned 20.
At first I was terrified. I didn't even dare to consider that it would be more than a one night stand. I mean, the boy is 20 for fcuk sake. He's got his entire life ahead of him and there's a huge world out there and he's nowhere near experienced all the treasures it has to offer.
But then we saw eachother again. And again. And again..
And before I knew it we were seeing eachother most days and the nights I fell asleep without him I found that I missed him something incredible. Slowly he's been putting my mind at ease. It takes a while for me to let my guard down. I've dealt with some tough shit in the past and although I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of a doubt I find it hard to trust them – until that trust has been earned!
He's a good kid. Kind, generous, sexy. But most of all he gives the best cuddles in the world. The kind that leave you wanting more.. He's got a big heart and somehow I'd like to think that there's no way that this boy could hurt me. At least not intentionally..
But that's just my heart thinking.
My mind on the other hand is a bit more cautious. I'm doing my best not to get carried away in the niceness that surrounds me and take everything as it comes. Day by day. But for someone who thinks a lot it's not the easiest thing to do.
But that's just my heart thinking.
My mind on the other hand is a bit more cautious. I'm doing my best not to get carried away in the niceness that surrounds me and take everything as it comes. Day by day. But for someone who thinks a lot it's not the easiest thing to do.
And sometimes I do get carried away.. I fantasize about the house we're gonna build that will put Bill Gates to shame. I dream about all the places we're gonna travel to. I imagine the adventures these trips will take us on. I sometimes picture a bright future where there are children involved. A few houses spread out across the world and no worries worth mentioning..
I know it's silly, but I'm a romantic at heart and I do believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I also want to believe in the possibility of a soul mate. Someone who knows everything there is to know about you and who doesn't judge you. Instead they do their best to understand you and to be a part of you. Someone who'll love you unconditionally and who won't betray you for some slapper that can't respect the fact he's already spoken for. Someone who's willing to share your dreams and build them with you, uninterested in asking when, why or how. Someone to wake you up with kisses on sunny Sunday mornings. Someone who's not afraid to tell you how it is. Who makes you face your own shit and sticks by you to pick up the pieces. Someone you can always rely on no matter how high the mountains are or how deep the water is. Someone who'll always put you first. But most of all someone who'll grow old with you and who's love for you grows more with each day that passes..
I know it's silly, but I'm a romantic at heart and I do believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I also want to believe in the possibility of a soul mate. Someone who knows everything there is to know about you and who doesn't judge you. Instead they do their best to understand you and to be a part of you. Someone who'll love you unconditionally and who won't betray you for some slapper that can't respect the fact he's already spoken for. Someone who's willing to share your dreams and build them with you, uninterested in asking when, why or how. Someone to wake you up with kisses on sunny Sunday mornings. Someone who's not afraid to tell you how it is. Who makes you face your own shit and sticks by you to pick up the pieces. Someone you can always rely on no matter how high the mountains are or how deep the water is. Someone who'll always put you first. But most of all someone who'll grow old with you and who's love for you grows more with each day that passes..
I believe in Soul Mates..
They do exist!
Dan
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