I can see clearly now the smoke is gone..
Like the heading states; I can see clearly now the smoke is gone!
Well basically, for those of you that don't know me that well I have been a recreational weed smoker for nearly 10 years now and it wasn't until this very Xmas that I decided to quit.
I started smoking weed when i was 15-16 years old (can't really remember exactly thanks to the huge smoke cloud in the way) and have done so up until the 31st of December last year. I deliberately smoked myself to oblivion and in a weird way experienced a Shamanistic Journey. This journey took me to my life as it would be if i continued on that path and believe you me it wasn't pretty. Then, as I slowly started coming back to myself I realised what i had to do. The message was literally written on the wall (or maybe it was a mirage, who can say?) and before I knew it i had made the decision for myself. For the sake of my future and mostly for the sake of my memories..
I started writing a journal when i was a kid and have more or less kept it up throughout the years thinking that it would be a great thing to read once I'm old and wrinkled like a Sun-Maid Sultana. I hink that scene from Amelie, with the man in the phonebooth getting reunited with his secret box of childhood long lost made a big impression on me. But glancing through the old diaries I noticed one reoccuring theme that kinda stiched together the last decade like a looooooong red thread - weed. And out of 365 pages in each book 300 of them said exactly the same thing; "Watched moves and got stoned", "Watched TV and got stoned", "Went to the cinema and got stoned", "Got stoned", "Not sure what I did yesterday but I know I got stoned" and mostly; "Can't remember what i did today"!
Scary, huh?
Not as scary as one day waking up and realising that I have lost so many great memories throughout the years and I'll probably never get them back again - but I can at least make sure I'll never forget any future ones! Apart form smoking the green junk I did all kinds of other stuff too; coke, pills, speed, K, Happy 5's, crystal and I even tried G once and at the time I was more than happy dealing with the effects of those drugs - mostly because i wasn't happy with my life and they helped me get away from the daily problems I was facing. I used to go out clubbing with my friends and stay out from thursday to monday morning. I enjoyed it immensly and I probably still would if my life hadn't taken a turn for the better. Guess i was lucky..
I still kinda miss it sometimes. I miss it because housemusic is my life and a lot of my friends are still very big clubbers. Heck, my best friend is a DJ and because of my change of heart I don't get to see him as much as i would like. After we came back from Ibiza something had changed inside me. Out there I went a bit mad and thinking back at it, it all kinda makes sense; a part of me was preparing myself for the changes to come and decided to go crazy one last time. It was a great time and I had a lot of fun but I came back a changed man. I knew my clubbing/drug days were over..
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I've turned my back on my friends or clubbing all together. No! I just feel that I need to do a bit of soul searching a different way from now on, that's all. I know there's a loooong road ahead and it won't always be easy but deep down I'm absolutely convinced that the power of thought is the only way you can overcome anything you set your mind to. It's ALL in your head! If you wanna quit smoking, drinking, taking drugs - even eating or whatever happens to be your vice - if you put your mind to it 110% then you WILL succeed!
Gosh, I've been blabbering on for ages now and its time to stop.
I'll leave you with the famous quote from the amazing Chicken Run;
IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!
(blimey, I AM starting to remember things allready :o) )
Over and Out.
Dan
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